Light in the Darkness

Rock bottom is a place, a feeling, the end of self-help, no dependency or comfort in one's own effort or plans. That's because failure resides there, sometimes even pain, hurt, sickness or despair. That's where I was nearly 10 years after graduating from high school. I was lower than low as I laid prostrate on the floor crying out to God.

In a marriage built on a broken foundation of rape, infidelity and abuse. I had tried to create my own redemption story to restore a childhood dream. Thinking that legalizing unwanted sex would take away the fight. I was wrong as the fights continued while the emotional and psychological wounds festered. The healing ointment or surgery to fix me was far from sight. Depression was a constant companion and my silence made the most noise.

This condition did not happen overnight but needed urgent intervention. Something had to change, I needed a change and realized only God could do it. Afterall, my efforts, seemingly insignificant decisions, care free moments and lack of wisdom led me to that place. I was broken, weak and hopeless. According to Proverbs 14:12 - There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.

I'd heard that insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Thus, I refused to be insane any longer. It was time to do life God's way whatever that looked like. It meant obedience. God had the answer so I did something new by fasting for 21 days. I sought direction by reading the bible and poured out my heart in prayer. I was broken before God. During that time discouragement came knocking as the enemy whispered that God would not answer my prayers. Yet, I found refuge and strength in God.

One night, I had a dream that I was alone in a dark cold place like a basement but could see some light from a little window above. That was my way out but I could not climb up on the ledge of the window and push it open at the same time. I needed help and saw the feet of people walking on the outside. Someone held the window open so I climbed with all my strength. On the outside there was light all about me. There was a man with two women next to him and they were all dressed in white. The man had open arms as I rested my head on his shoulder. I felt safety and love as he embraced me with open arms.

When I woke up my circumstance did not change but I was different. Hope was ignited in my heart beyond my circumstance. Hebrews 11:1 says now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. My hope was in God, the one I sought or better yet who sought me as no one can come to God except HE draws them.

I knew it would be ok for God was with me. HE saw me, heard my prayer and delivered me. Every day with JESUS Christ is better than the one without him. Likewise, Jesus knows right where you are, not just a physical location but your heart condition. HE is the light of the world so no need to walk darkness anymore.